Friday, October 09, 2015

Ask Liz: Give The Groom His Thing? (Los Angeles Wedding Planner)

It's okay. He gets it.
Photo: Think Geek

Many thanks to the Refine Facebook group  for their inspiration and help with this question. 

Dear Liz:

My daughter is getting married next month. I've been helping her plan the wedding for almost a year now, and it's going to be a beautiful, elegant celebration. We're very close with her fiance, he's quiet and reserved and a wonderful person, but he also likes superhero movies and video games. At my husband's birthday party last month, he told me that he wanted to do a special performance in the middle of the reception. He wants it to be a special surprise for my daughter, but he told me because he needs my help to keep it a secret until it happens. When he explained that it would involve Star Wars stormtrooper costumes and music,  I nodded but didn't really say anything. But he brought it up again this week, and I think he might be serious. I asked him how long he thinks the whole thing would take, and he and his friends would have to leave the reception for at least 45 minutes to get changed and ready, and then perform for 20 minutes. He can't just disappear for 45 minutes! It doesn't fit in with what we've planning for the night - their wedding is supposed to be a stylish, grand evening, and I'm afraid he's going to ruin it. How do I get him to change his mind?


Mortified MOB

Dear MM, 

Okay, full disclosure: I'm a little bit of a geek, so this actually sounds kind of cool to me! Plus, in my experience, guests love this stuff. Groomsmen rap battles, choreographed wedding party dances, skits, go over really, really well. Trust me,  people dig it. 
That being said, I know she's your kid, and you have this vision of what her day should be, but that's her guy. She knows him, and she knows what he's like. It'll be a surprise for her, but not really a surprise, you know what I mean? And, if he's been talking about it for a while now, odds are he's sure she'll be cool with it. Plus, it's his wedding, too, and he should have something that he wants in it. 

Don't make him stop, help him make it work. 

Because, you're right,  he definitely can't disappear for 45 minutes in the middle of the wedding. It will be noticed, to say the least! Honestly, he's got about 15 minutes before your daughter looks around and wonders where her new husband is, then asks if anyone knows where her new husband is, then sends someone out to go look for her new husband. After that, she's going to start looking for him herself, which turns it into a whole new thing. I'm guessing he thinks it will take 45 minutes because he has to go...somewhere else... to get to the costumes and change? He should talk to the reception venue about finding a closer room to do all that, so he can cut prep time to the 15-minute vague "He's probably in the bathroom" window. Ask him if he can trim the "show" time down by a few minutes, too. Explain to him that it's a cool reveal, but 20 minutes is the length of four Saturday Night Live sketches. Four. He wants to keep people happy that it's happening instead of hoping that it's going to end. And, bonus, the less time it takes up, the better you'll feel about it, too. Shorter is sweeter. 

See you at the end of the aisle, 

Liz Coopersmith
Silver Charm Events

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