Tuesday, September 10, 2013

When Bridesmaids Say NO. (Los Angeles Wedding Planner)

Frances Bast was one my interns three years ago. She also wrote an article on Disney weddings for me, which is still one of the most popular posts on my blog. She married a Marine, and while he was deployed, she made a name for herself on base, taking pictures of military homecomings...which led to getting hired for military family pictures...which led to a regular gig photographing meet-ups for PaxBaby woven baby wraps...which all culminated in her own photography business, Moments by Frances. Oh, and she had a tiny person, too, while juggling all of these balls in the air. As I've said, Frances is FEARLESS.
And then, earlier this year, she hired me to coordinate the wedding she'd been planning since before her husband got deployed. 

Here's Frances' take on picking, and possibly getting rejected, by your bridesmaids:

There’s nothing like the huge slap in the face you feel when your friend says no after you’ve just given her a carefully prepared speech asking her to be your bridesmaid. It sucks. And it might happen to you. I’m coming to you as someone that has had not one but TWO women turn down the request to be my MOH, AND one say no to being a bridesmaid.
Oh yeah. It’s a huge slap in the face and you can’t help but take it personally.  I am here to tell you NOT TO. I know it’s hard. I was thinking all the horrible things in my head that are probably going through yours right now. Are we not as close as I thought we were? Does she not like me? Was she just pretending to be my friend this entire time? Does she think I’m a Bridezilla?! Why won’t she be my bridesmaid?!?! And lastly, I don’t need her, I never wanted her to be my bridesmaid anyways!
Now take a deep breath. Done? Now take another deep breath. 
Now listen to these words very carefully.
It’s not you. It’s them.
Easy-peasy. It really is as simple as that. I PROMISE you.
One of my supposed-to-be-bridesmaids has her LSAT the DAY OF my wedding. Her tutor advised her that if she were to be my bridesmaid, she would not be able to focus on one of the most important tests she would be taking in her life.
My second supposed-to-be-maid-of-honor did not have the financial resources to be in my wedding. As you know, weddings are expensive! And my Bridesmaid dresses were expensive,  especially since I asked all of them to buy their dresses from David’s Bridal  make sure their colors were exactly the same.
My third supposed-to-be-maid-of-honor was just sucky. I’ll give you that. She just did not feel comfortable being my maid of honor. And surprise, surprise, less than 6 months later, we lost touch with each other and now we aren’t speaking. I guess it took my wedding for her to realize she did not want to be my friend.
In the end, it’s your wedding day, and that's whats important. As much as it sucks to not have bridesmaids, or not have the bridesmaids you wanted, it is still YOUR day, and it's all about you and your husband/wife to be. 

If I really had a choice, I’d have my fiancĂ© be my bridesmaid, because he is the person that has been by my side and who will be by my side for the rest of our lives. He is my best friend and if I could, I would have him duplicated five times so he can be all five of my bridesmaids AND be my groom waiting for me at the altar. 

As much as it sucks to not have bridesmaids, or not have the bridesmaids you wanted, the most important thing is that your wedding is still you and  your husband/wife to be's day, and no one else's. 

She's awesome, isn't she?

See you at the end of the aisle, 

Liz Coopersmith
Silver Charm Events

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