Friday, May 07, 2010

"Why Can't Everyone Just Do What They Want?"

Hey, Check out my latest guest blog post on The Broke Ass Bride. And to continue THAT conversation, Last Saturday I got together with my geekier friends (some of them are like, professional geeks, even. Like, I know the guy that made those Enterprise salt shakers in that bar scene in Star Trek) at Dinah's in Culver City. One of them, we'll just call her "Maya" coordinates corporate conferences, so we generally have a lot to talk about event planning-wise. She was telling me some of the issues that come up regularly with her tech-attendees, and I was telling her about all the controversies in wedding world - budget judgment, whether or not to change your name after you get married, DIY vs. Buy, all the stuff you've been looking at over the past six weeks. I mean, good God, Meg's post on the name-changing debate got 580 comments. And, Maya shakes her head and says, "Why can't everyone just do what they want?"

What is this?? I guess where my disconnect comes from is in the distance between voicing an opinion and "NO, YOU'RE WRONG." The disconnect between reading "NO, YOU'RE WRONG" in reaction to your opinion and trying to prove you're right. Look, guys, If you don't like what's someone's doing with their wedding or with their marriage, it's none of your business. And if someone doesn't like what you're doing with your wedding or your marriage, it's none of their business. What other people think of you is none of your business.
And the question, "Why do you have to do it x way?Why can't you get the same results doing it y way" = NO YOU'RE WRONG
And the statement, "I can't believe that anyone would ever think x and y, and I will never understand it." = NO, YOU'RE WRONG.

One blogger (I can't find it right now, so if it's you and want fess up, participate in delurk week and let me know in the comments), commented that women have a tendency to be extremely judgmental of other women and what they do. But guys do this crap, too, they're just quieter about it, trust me. "NO, YOU'RE WRONG"is pretty extreme, you'd be pretty put off if someone said that to you. "YES, I'M RIGHT" also doesn't make any sense, because of course you are, it's your life.
Your life.
Everyone CAN just do what they want.
Who gives an EFF what anyone thinks?
You're going to spend less/more money on your wedding because tara318 (an example tagname, don't send me emails)thinks you're wasting money/being unreasonable?
You're going to keep/change your name because suzieQ thinks it's the only way you'll be able to keep your personal identity/become part of the family that you and he are forming?
Of course not.
And you know I'm right.
Of course you do.
Getting caught up in the noise doesn't serve you well. When the volume is up too loud, turn it down, so you can hear yourself think. Seriously.
Have the wedding you want.
Have the life you want.
You will NEVER regret it.

But, of course...that's just my opinion. :-)

See you at the end of the aisle,

Liz Coopersmith
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