Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Buckle up. I'm about to bag on someone.

Okay, so I was in San Diego and the O.C. this weekend - girl's trip, one of my best friends is 6.5 months pregnant, and she (rightfully) figured she wasn't going to get anywhere once the babe was born, so off we went - and as I am wont to, I picked up some of the local papers. In one of them - and I won't say which - there is an advice columnist. And I won't say who. A future bride wrote to her to ask what to do about her fiance, who was under the impression that they could have an extravagant wedding for little or no money, with about 300 guests, and he could not be convinced otherwise. The bride herself wanted a smaller wedding and had a much better understanding of how much money they had to spend, and how far it would go. She was, understandably, frustrated with her fiance's position, and wanted to know what she could do to convince him. That was pretty much the extent of her question.

So, I read this, and I thought, well, obviously, he's clueless. He has no idea that the cake alone is going to be somewhere between $2-6 bucks a slice, not counting the $2-5bucks the caterer/reception site is going to charge the cut the darn thing. That site rental could start as little as a couple hundred bucks but range to a few thousand. No clue that a good meal for all your guests is going to be around $30 a person, and that's not even counting alcohol. And then there's the band/DJ. And the flowers. Etc. Sure there are plenty of ways to cut costs, but the sheer amount of stuff you have to do and buy before you get to the end of the aisle is amazing. And truthfully, most people don't understand until they start adding it up. My suggestion would have been to do some research, actually show him how much some of this stuff costs, and see what he thinks at that point. Come up with a wedding budget you're both comfortable with. If he thinks he can find anything cheaper, then let him try. Agree on what he's going to handle and what you're going to handle, decide on a deadline to check back in with each other, and go from there.

The columnist's advice? Well, if he doesn't get it, obviously something must be wrong with their relationship. Are the two of them even compatible? I'm not kidding you. She goes on for another paragraph about How Well Does She Even Know Her Fiance? Have they talked about how they're going to raise their children? She told the woman to get pre-marital counseling, because, you know, therapy is less expensive than a divorce lawyer.

DUDE.

Uh. I'm all for pre-marital counseling, but this is hardly a relationship issue. There are a couple of things you should try before you start wondering if the two of you are really meant to be. I mean, really. Involve him in the planning process, and he'll get a clue right quick. Decide on a budget. And he'll get a clue right quick. Sit down and write down a preliminary guest list. And he'll get...well, you see what I'm saying.

But maybe that's just me.
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